Clean

It takes a tragedy for you to see your life in perspective.

I have to make a change in my lifestyle now. Not completely, just the necessary.. precautions.

Things are good. They’ve always been but now I finally realise it.

I have a family who supports whatever choice I make no matter how much they disagree, friends that have no qualms driving at 2 in the morning just to visit me, enough money to buy whatever I want, surprisingly did well for my exams considering how jaded and sick I was at that time and a boyfriend that cares about me. I’m not in love with him or anything, I don’t think I’m that naive anymore, but I’m okay with that.

Life is good because life is short. Or was it the other way round?

Oh well.

HOWEVER, the number of hits this blog is getting in a week is becoming a little unnerving. There are only a handful who know of it and mathematically, the numbers don’t make sense.

So I’m asking nicely, if we do not have any form of close friendship or you very well know I do not want you reading my thoughts, then stop visiting. If the numbers persist then I will be forced to close this blog. Either way, you won’t be able to read any more of my posts (haha, sucker). So do me a favour and save me the hassle or closing and reopening a new blog okay?

…

(This is the part where you say ‘Okay’)

Reason

Sometimes I wonder why we gamble. Not the kind where cash is replaced by chips and we go all in hoping against all rational thought that we’ve beaten the odds. But more of the kind where we risk losing immaterial things just for trying to make our lives a little bit better.

That’s probably why we play these games on people. To measure them up and see with our own two eyes the person they really are. However the results of our little tests have the potential to truely screw up whatever belief we have left in mankind. Which is why most people delude themselves into thinking everything is alright the way it is. Fear of facing reality and/or blindness. Two medically certified handicaps.

Trust is either severely misplaced or deficient in our lives. We need people to prove their worth instead of just talking cock.

I’ve always thought to myself, if someone can live up to my expectations, then it was worth fighting for, but if not.. well.. It’s a sort a gamble. When you go all in you either win everything or leave empty handed.

I guess people only gamble because of desperation or they have nothing to lose in the first place.

Love is

1. God’s gift and Satan’s scourge.

2. The final result of the natural chemical blending of unrelated feelings that one holds toward another, which, once synthesized, create an emotion that is independent of the confines of time or the elements of this existence. Though the vitality of that said emotion inevitably weakens and falters, never does it truly filter.

3. A flawed definition for an emotion which modern society has perverted through practicality. Practicality is reserved for a practical world. And in a practical world, things like love would not exist. No, ‘love’ is rather a definition for the dictionary of one’s heart, not Webster’s.

4. A contradiction, a conundrum cloaked in ambiguity.

5. A pleasant thought in a world filled with terrible ideals.

6. A quagmire of depression from which none can immerge unscathed.

7. A force of nature which, like any other natural phenomenon, cannot be civilized, contained or contended. A force which cannot be controlled, avoided, destroyed or escaped and often results in extreme destruction.

8. A terminal illness; much like cancer in its nature. It starts at the heart, spreads to the soul, before inevitably polluting the mind. To date, the medical community remains baffled as to discovering an effective treatment for this potentially fatal malady, much less a cure. Demographically speaking, the young and the foolish are counted among the most susceptible to contract this disease and the destitute romantics are considered to be exceptionably vulnerable.

9. A vast unknown frontier of thoughts and feelings which only the most fortunate ever have the opportunity to explore.

10. A resilient, false hope eating parasite, which adopts the human heart as its host.

Geez I think I have too much free time..