Feel

How many times have you walked into a room and felt like you don’t quite belong?

Not only when you’re outside amongst strangers, but at your own home too. The sounds of music and other peoples’ laughter seem to bounce of you as if an invisible shield were separating you from your surroundings.

You didn’t ask for it. It’s just that people have hurt you in the past so you covered your wounds with layers and layers of protective material til you can barely even move. All you wanted was to be indestructible. And now you find yourself untouchable. Unfeeling. Inhuman.

But now you  find..

You want to feel again.

..

Too bad though. Here on out, no one can help you.

..

So stop before you fall into the hole that I have dug.

Maybe

Regardless the pile of workload threatening to bury me like an avalanche I managed to come across some random quotes. Don’t know who wrote them, but I like the way they sound. More to come.

“I’m a contradiction. I’m everything you want and nothing you need. I’ll mislead you. I’ll change you. I’ll make you stronger and I’ll break you down. I live for the ones I love, and i fall for the ones that I know will break me down the most. My madness is just my instabilites put to good use. You’ll never find another one like me.”

“Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good if what is not won’t. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.”

Answer

Everytime I had my heart broken, I withdrew myself. A little more each time until there were so many walls put up that a cavalry wasn’t getting in. And I didn’t let anyone close enough to really do much damage. Made jokes about my “love life” and got over it. I dated people that I knew I could live without. I knew that their presence in my daily routine, while nice sometimes, would not affect me immensely if they were to go away, by their choice or mine. And that was how I coped. How I protected myself from the inevitable betrayal followed by breakup that always came. This is why I’m still alright.