Blog closed.

I told you so.

Any parting words?

I can’t take this anymore.

How many times have you walked into a room and felt like you don’t quite belong?

Not only when you’re outside amongst strangers, but at your own home too. The sounds of music and other peoples’ laughter seem to bounce of you as if an invisible shield were separating you from your surroundings.

You didn’t ask for it. It’s just that people have hurt you in the past so you covered your wounds with layers and layers of protective material til you can barely even move. All you wanted was to be indestructible. And now you find yourself untouchable. Unfeeling. Inhuman.

But now you  find..

You want to feel again.

..

Too bad though. Here on out, no one can help you.

..

So stop before you fall into the hole that I have dug.

Regardless the pile of workload threatening to bury me like an avalanche I managed to come across some random quotes. Don’t know who wrote them, but I like the way they sound. More to come.

“I’m a contradiction. I’m everything you want and nothing you need. I’ll mislead you. I’ll change you. I’ll make you stronger and I’ll break you down. I live for the ones I love, and i fall for the ones that I know will break me down the most. My madness is just my instabilites put to good use. You’ll never find another one like me.”

“Sometimes you have to be strong for yourself. You have to know that you are a good person and a good friend. What is meant to be will end up good if what is not won’t. Relationships are worth fighting for, but sometimes you can’t be the only one fighting. At times, people need to fight for you. If they don’t, you must move on and realize what you gave them was more than they were willing to give you. Hopefully, people realize great things when they come around and don’t lose something real. Always fight, until you can’t anymore, and then be fought for.”

Everytime I had my heart broken, I withdrew myself. A little more each time until there were so many walls put up that a cavalry wasn’t getting in. And I didn’t let anyone close enough to really do much damage. Made jokes about my “love life” and got over it. I dated people that I knew I could live without. I knew that their presence in my daily routine, while nice sometimes, would not affect me immensely if they were to go away, by their choice or mine. And that was how I coped. How I protected myself from the inevitable betrayal followed by breakup that always came. This is why I’m still alright.

It takes a tragedy for you to see your life in perspective.

I have to make a change in my lifestyle now. Not completely, just the necessary.. precautions.

Things are good. They’ve always been but now I finally realise it.

I have a family who supports whatever choice I make no matter how much they disagree, friends that have no qualms driving at 2 in the morning just to visit me, enough money to buy whatever I want, surprisingly did well for my exams considering how jaded and sick I was at that time and a boyfriend that cares about me. I’m not in love with him or anything, I don’t think I’m that naive anymore, but I’m okay with that.

Life is good because life is short. Or was it the other way round?

Oh well.

HOWEVER, the number of hits this blog is getting in a week is becoming a little unnerving. There are only a handful who know of it and mathematically, the numbers don’t make sense.

So I’m asking nicely, if we do not have any form of close friendship or you very well know I do not want you reading my thoughts, then stop visiting. If the numbers persist then I will be forced to close this blog. Either way, you won’t be able to read any more of my posts (haha, sucker). So do me a favour and save me the hassle or closing and reopening a new blog okay?

…

(This is the part where you say ‘Okay’)

Sometimes I wonder why we gamble. Not the kind where cash is replaced by chips and we go all in hoping against all rational thought that we’ve beaten the odds. But more of the kind where we risk losing immaterial things just for trying to make our lives a little bit better.

That’s probably why we play these games on people. To measure them up and see with our own two eyes the person they really are. However the results of our little tests have the potential to truely screw up whatever belief we have left in mankind. Which is why most people delude themselves into thinking everything is alright the way it is. Fear of facing reality and/or blindness. Two medically certified handicaps.

Trust is either severely misplaced or deficient in our lives. We need people to prove their worth instead of just talking cock.

I’ve always thought to myself, if someone can live up to my expectations, then it was worth fighting for, but if not.. well.. It’s a sort a gamble. When you go all in you either win everything or leave empty handed.

I guess people only gamble because of desperation or they have nothing to lose in the first place.

1. God’s gift and Satan’s scourge.

2. The final result of the natural chemical blending of unrelated feelings that one holds toward another, which, once synthesized, create an emotion that is independent of the confines of time or the elements of this existence. Though the vitality of that said emotion inevitably weakens and falters, never does it truly filter.

3. A flawed definition for an emotion which modern society has perverted through practicality. Practicality is reserved for a practical world. And in a practical world, things like love would not exist. No, ‘love’ is rather a definition for the dictionary of one’s heart, not Webster’s.

4. A contradiction, a conundrum cloaked in ambiguity.

5. A pleasant thought in a world filled with terrible ideals.

6. A quagmire of depression from which none can immerge unscathed.

7. A force of nature which, like any other natural phenomenon, cannot be civilized, contained or contended. A force which cannot be controlled, avoided, destroyed or escaped and often results in extreme destruction.

8. A terminal illness; much like cancer in its nature. It starts at the heart, spreads to the soul, before inevitably polluting the mind. To date, the medical community remains baffled as to discovering an effective treatment for this potentially fatal malady, much less a cure. Demographically speaking, the young and the foolish are counted among the most susceptible to contract this disease and the destitute romantics are considered to be exceptionably vulnerable.

9. A vast unknown frontier of thoughts and feelings which only the most fortunate ever have the opportunity to explore.

10. A resilient, false hope eating parasite, which adopts the human heart as its host.

Geez I think I have too much free time..

How to Avoid Disappointment

1. Smile and nod your head when promise breaking loser promises you something.

2. Don’t believe the promise breaking loser.

3. Don’t wait for the inevitable. Instead, work out at the gym, get a smoking hot body, hook up with someone better with said smoking hot body and dump promise breaking loser.

4. Repeat steps 1 to 3.

Note: Only go through this process if you hook up with promise breaking loser. Be aware that someone better might also turn out to be promise breaking loser.

Good luck.

Men are like dogs. They can be divided into two categories.

A: The ones who will stay devoted to you for life and will gladly pull you out of a burning building by the teeth.

B: The ones that bite.

All they need to change is training. A little bit of threats and punishments goes a long way.